Some Ways of Not Being Bored

There are several ways of not being bored, many of which are boring. But there are other ways of not being bored that are actually quite exciting. For example:

Prostitution – This involves having sex for money with random people you meet on the street. You are constantly on the run from the law, and are expected to work in all conditions of weather. You mainly work at night, a period of extended darkness and relaxed moral codes. Suffice it to say, prostitution is not for the faint of heart, but its rewards far outweigh its dangers.

Rooftop Surveillance – This requires pulling down a fire escape ladder and climbing to the top of an apartment building, preferably one that is condemned. You can see the whole city from up there, not to mention the bedrooms of both men and ladies. There is usually a buffet of mangy tennis balls from which to choose, and at least one or two pigeon carcasses.

Stevie Wandering – This is not a mockery of blind people, but a commentary on how blind seeing people are to the plight of blind people. It calls on you to live out small parts of your day with your eyes closed. Darkness makes of the world a joyously impossible place. The biggest fun comes when you venture outside. The remaining four sense organs kick into high gear, along with the cars at the intersection.

To summarize, having sex for money on a rooftop with your eyes closed is the most effective way of killing boredom—and, if you're not careful, yourself.