The Conversation Society: Dialogue #33

This exchange between Winston Zeddemore, commonly referred to as “the fourth Ghostbuster,” and his mother, 72-year-old Lucille, took place in the Zeddemore family kitchen the morning after Winston’s interview with the Ghostbusters.

Winston Zeddemore: Mama, after sleeping on it, I’ve decided I’m gonna’ take the job with the Ghostbusters.

Lucille Zeddemore: I told you last night, Winston, you take that job you gonna’ end up a ghost yourself.

WZ: I've been out of work so long I feel like one already. It’s time I got back to the land of the living.

LZ: Only place you goin’ is the land of the dead.

WZ: Don’t say that, mama. Please.

LZ: Ain’t you got no other prospects? What happened to that karate instructor job you was so high on?

WZ: I can’t teach karate.
LZ: What do you mean you can’t teach karate?! You a 15^th degree black belt!

WZ: Doing it and teaching it are two different things. 

LZ: Well then what about that post office job your uncle was talkin’ about?

WZ: I don’t want to work at the post office.

LZ: Why not?

WZ: Because that’s where every responsible black man ends up when he runs out of options.

LZ: And what’s wrong with being a responsible black man?

WZ: Nothing, but an opportunity like this doesn’t come around very often.

LZ: So you just gonna’ throw caution to the wind and take up with three of the craziest white boys in New York City. Is that it?

WZ: They’re not crazy, mama. They’re scientists.

LZ: They ain’t no god damn scientists. They a buncha’ university rejects. I saw ‘em on the television.

WZ: You can’t believe everything you see on T.V.

LZ: I believe what I saw, and what I saw was three funny-looking crackers in matchin’ tan suits wearin’ protein packs.

WZ: It’s called a proton pack, mama. And it’s nothing I haven’t handled before. I fired much bigger in the Air Force. Trust me.

LZ: It’s not the weapon I’m worried about, Winston. It’s what you shootin’ with it.

WZ: So it’s the ghosts you’re afraid of?

LZ: I ain’t afraid of no ghost. Hell, your father’s ghost been hauntin’ my ass for years. But I do know somebody who is afraid.

WZ: Not like I used to be.

LZ: Tell me, son: how you gonna’ make a livin’ goin’ after these ghosts when it’s your natural inclination to run the other way when you see ‘em?

WZ: I don’t know, mama.

LZ: I don’t know, neither. It don’t make no sense to me, but then I’m an old woman, and not much makes sense to me these days.

WZ: Look, mama, it’s a steady job with a steady paycheck. It’s dangerous, I admit, but if I don’t take it I might never move out of here.

LZ: Who said anything about you movin’ out? I had just gotten used to you bein’ here.

WZ: You knew I was gonna’ have to move out sooner or later.

LZ: But who’s gonna’ watch Family Feud with me? Who’s gonna’ rinse my boils? Who’s gonna’ protect me at night?

WZ: Me, mama, me. But it won’t just be you I’m protecting. I’ll be looking out for the whole city, ensuring the safety of millions of people, waging war with Satan’s minions on a daily basis.

LZ: What are they gonna’ say at church when they find out you’re a Ghostbuster?

WZ: They’ll say I’m doin’ God’s work.

LZ: God’s work, huh. That’s mighty proud talk, Winston, mighty proud talk. Bigger men than you been struck down for sayin’ a whole lot less.

WZ: Then strike me down where I stand.

LZ: Hand me my rolling pin.